‘Avin a Good Time is a series here on Spent Glory where we drop the serious competitive approach, skip the idea of helping new players, and ignore altogether anything useful to the community and instead just have ourselves a good time. Gurzag and the Boyz approve, and so should you.

The Deathgorge and subsequently the Wintermaw were once occupied by Ogors who were run out by Greenskins and vice-versa, or whatever, and then eventually abandoned when Drakatoa the Living Avalanche came along. Now our heroes delve deeper in search of various frozen treasures – be they souls, masks, relics, or just a good scrap.

But you know what I bet they’d also find down there, eventually? A nice frosty stash of kegs, bottles, and barrels of all sizes. If there’s one thing Destruction warbands seem to love, it’s their brew, and the Everwinter surely kept it well preserved. It’s not a big stretch to suggest that the warbands might stumble upon some ale, and a drinking contest is sure to ensue eventually. So grab a cold one, and let’s get down to arguing over who has the best shot at winning that contest in each respective weight class.

Click this link for a google form and vote for your choices!

0-Wounders

• Spinefin – you ever heard the term “drink like a fish”? You know he can guzzle. Plus, if he dies, he can just like, come back for another go apparently. Cheater.
• Does Bushwakka’s Trap count? I have it on good authority many of you would say “I’ll die before I vote for that fish”

1-Wounders

• Skritter – our stinky lil’ mascot doesn’t have the biggest tummy, but he can likely stomach just about anything that can fit in there.
• Brimstone Horrors – these are the only 1 wound fighters I could think of. I suppose the Horrors have a chance considering there’s two of them and maybe the ale won’t fill them up as fast since it will boil off.

2-Wounders

• Enrik Ironhail – he is tough, he’s a dwarf, and that’s exactly what you’d expect a featherweight drinking champ to bring to the table.
• Hungering Skaven – frothing at the mouth, frothing in the mug, frenzied in his consumption.
• Quiet Pock – pretty sure he’s invincible. Even if he wasn’t, you know he’s got plenty of experience drowning out the things he’s seen with hard drink. It’s not like he can talk about it or anything.
• Moonface Nagz – we know from his fighter card that he’s tougher than you might expect and is downright indigestible himself. Proximity to shroom goons means he’s probably pretty experienced with mind-altering substances and should have a touch of neurologic tolerance built up.

3-Wounders

• Snirk Sourtongue – The only model literally taking a pull of something potent in their sculpt, Snirk has what it takes to quaff a heady brew and do it again.
• Bahannar – He’s a mountain. He’s nigh-unwoundable. Have you seen Lord of the Rings, where Gimli is under the table as Legolas finally notices he has a tingling in his fingertips? Expect something similar here.
• Flamespooler – He has too many maws, all spiteful mouths. Each of them probably don’t even go into his body and intoxicate him, but instead lead to somewhere else entirely. Strong contender.
• Mad Maegrim – He’s mad. Ten drinks in, while the others are starting to get dizzy, he’s starting to get angry. More than one way to be the last one standing, am I right?

4-Wounders

• Ennias Curseborn – he’s a glutton, and he loves to drink. He might prefer Red “Wine”, but I’m sure Ale will do. And I’m pretty sure vampires can tolerate most poisons quite well.
• Wollop Da Skul – How do you inebriate that which has no mind?
• Gulgoch – disgustingly resilient, with the added benefit of a leaky tummy so some will go missing and out onto the floor, increasing his effective consumption ability.
• Gwynne Ironsoul has affinity for drinking potions (though I have known a few ‘spirit flasks’ in my day), and she both heals fast and is tough as nails. You can bet your last dollar she isn’t letting any of the boys, nor anyone outside of Azyr, best her in a contest of any kind.

5-Wounders

• Gurzag Ironskull – he’s unkillable, according to his upgrades. He’s as hard-headed as they come. and you KNOW he likes to ‘ave a good time. Imagine him holding a beer in his jumbo mitts like Andre the Giant. Heck, he might even eat them whole!
• Domitan Inspired – the only person from the Order Grand Alliance who can scratch this category, Domitan still plans of carrying the team. He’s thicc, and has got that Grungni helm going on so he can probably handle a few dozen pints of stout.
• Vexmor – “Why have a six-pack when you can have a kegger instead?” Born of the Prince of Excess, expect Vexmor to be able to take in far more than a reasonable share of any intoxicant and salivate for more. The question is whether he can be bothered to do enough 12-ounce bicep curls to keep up.
• Sir Jedran Falseborn – Nothing builds up a tolerance for hard drink like access to the King’s feasting table paired with the shame of illegitimacy. Plus he’s like 9 feet tall and might not actually absorb anything he pours down his bony gullet. Even if he does end up blind drunk, it won’t affect him much since he hasn’t seen out of that face shield in centuries anyhow.

6-Wounders

• Gorlok Blackpowder – Be it bilge water, grog, or any other swill, Gorlok can fill his pot belly like the best of them. With a nearly bottomless pit of an appetite, remarkable sea-legs, and assuredly a long history of guzzling Ogor ale, he’s got a strong chance of winning this fight. To add a little intrigue, in the Paths of Prophecy card A Pact Sealed in Blood, he’s quoted as saying “Don’t worry mate. If yer lucky, I won’t drink it all!”
• Hrothgorn Mantrapper- While not as experienced in the staggering and swaggering department, Hrothgorn DOES love to eat (and presumably drink) even more that Blackpowder. I have seen firsthand he’s tougher than Blackpowder and based on the Direchasm anthology he has buckets of personal tenacity. If he decides that heavyweight title is his, then look out.
• Mollog the Mighty – He mighty. He chonk. Beer wuz here, now dronk. Don’t like it? Get bonk.
• Gorehulk Inspired – the rest of the field’s only hope to prevent a Destruction podium sweep in this weight class, Gorehulk Inspired is a big angry dude who can probably crush some cans on his forehead and shotgun faster than a Jersey frat boy on Spring Break.

Wrap

That’s it for the entries this round! Remember to vote for your choice on the Google form and in the coming weeks I’ll share the results as well as community nominations for other fighters who deserve a shot at the title. If you’re interested to read other entries in this series, click here! See you in the next article!