‘Avin a Good Time is a series here on Spent Glory where we drop the serious competitive approach, skip the idea of helping new players, and ignore altogether anything useful to the community and instead just have ourselves a good time. Gurzag and the Boyz approve, and so should you.

Today we’re back to ‘Avin a Good Time on Spent Glory. I wrote most of this article while the Paris Summer Olympics were going on (if that gives you an idea about the lead time on some of these articles) but it stems from a silly idea the Underworlds Underground crew came up with some time ago.

Ultimately, you gotta be honest and say that Sigmar probably gets bored every now and then and needs a little entertainment. He’s got Stormcast champions out in the underworlds doing all sorts of great deeds, and they also probably need to be rewarded at some point. Why not combine the two, bring back all the WHU Stormcast to Azyr, and have the complete in The Azyric Games?

We will be looking at some classic Games for our Underworlds Eternals to compete in and discussing the likeliest winners of each and their merits. Let us know your picks by voting in this google form, and after some time I’ll announce the podium for each event – and which Underworlds Underground host has the most wining picks! We will also look at which individual stormcast fighters as well as which warbands had the most success.

Marathon

Mike/Sleeksbowl: Sanson Farstrider, duh.

Thomas/Saxthom: I agree that Farstrider makes the most sense here. Members of the Vanguard Chambers are known for their long hikes through all types of terrain. Can Sleek participate? Four legs seems like a distinct advantage right? (editor’s note: Animals have rights in Azyr and the goodest boy can in fact compete if he wants, as a treat).

Other Mike/Fishmode: Sanson Farstrider is the obvious choice since you know, the guy striders far which is the whole point of a marathon. But we’ll give it to Mike Prime here. Since I’m taking the last pick in this survey I’ll aim for the sleeper choice of Drakan Celestus. Known for having Stoic Fortitude and refusing to give up, He will outlast. You’re heard of the Tortoise and the Hare, yeah?

100 Meter Hurdles

Mike/Sleeksbowl: It’s gonna have to be Leona Stratosi though she floats more than jumps.

Thomas/Saxthom: Flying feels like cheating here, it’s not exactly “jumping”. I agree that Luxa has a strong shot at gold, but I’d put money on the dark horse Aphus the Brave. Many cards depict him running quite fast, and since he is used to sprinting while carrying an enormous great bow, running without one probably feels like a walk in the park.

Other Mike: Leona is fast, sure, but you also have to be able to jump well and make contact with the ground for a few strides between hurdles, and her slow fall might be her detriment here. I’d say good jumping requires being pretty unencumbered to pull off, and Luxa Stormrider has the chops, the strong legs, the running stance, and the slim armor profile. Aphus thicc, and you have to go OVER the hurdle, Thomas.

Wrestling

Mike/Sleeksbowl: Almeric Eagle-Eye. He hits for 3 when inspired so you know he’s yoked, and he’s literally featured on the card Grapple. I imagine his voice is like Macho Man Randy Savage. You’re going nowhere!

Thomas/Saxthom: Brodus Blightbane can become “as immovable as a mountain. Good luck pinning that guy. He’s also super confident “Perhaps we should fight blindfolded, to even the odds?”

Other Mike/Fishmode: Domitan, Eye of the Storm – Having wrestled myself, I can say there are weight classes for a reason. Ole Dom goes to 5 wounds and is, when he’s bulking, in the Large weight class. And look at that gloved hand – got that grip AND that drip.

Boxing

Mike/Sleeksbowl: Dhoraz Giant-Fell – like Mike Tyson coming out of retirement to fight Jake Paul

Thomas/Saxthom: This one clearly goes to Gwynne Ironsoul herself, with her Uncontested Might. There is so much healing in the Condemnors deck that she can pretty reliably take a punch and throw one back. Though I do agree that Dhoraz has a real shot at the gold. Once he is in his rhythm it takes a lot to knock him out. “You’ll need more than that to stop me. A lot more” – Dhoraz Giant-Fell. Honorable mention to Angharad Brightshield being featured in the art of Undaunted “Fear not, heathen. I can keep this up all day.” and Unstoppable Strike “Stormcast Eternals are granted a fraction of the God-King Sigmar’s celestial power, enough to shatter the guard of all but the mightiest foes.”

Other Mike/Fishmode: Dhoraz is a clear favorite, but to win Gold you have to get through a few people first. Having also boxed, a huge part of boxing is psychologically being able to outlast, but also maintaining mental acuity and executing a plan. Dhoraz is a brawler and if his strategy isn’t working, he’ll just grit his teeth and continue to make the same mistakes. Everybody has a plan ’til they get punched in the face, and it’s good odds that Dhoraz never had one in the first place. You know who can capitalize on that? Sarpon, The Cyclone. He’s incredibly dangerous up close and few of the Stormcast in this gauntlet can reasonably keep him out of the clinch. Plus he’s gotta be smart – he’s got a psychic gem in his forehead!

Fencing

Mike/Sleeksbowl: Calthia Xandire– one of the few with a sword to be honest. Also I think she would look like a ghost face killa in a fencing suit.

Thomas/Saxthom: Swiftblade easily gets to the podium here. Master duelist as a mortal, and that skill has only been honed in the Gladitorium. Though, I believe that Severin Steelheart might get the gold with his Fatal Reposte. “Even amongst his warrior kin, Steelheart’s skill with the blade is the stuff of legend.” Honorable mention to Rastus the Charmed, the “no lightning” rule that was inevitably ratified after the inaugural Stormcast Olympics really handicaps him, but he is still an amazing duelist. Think Stormsire will let him borrow his Blessed Blade? “It is said that Stormsire’s blade was blessed by the Celestant-Prime himself, after the bloody battle of Gaspar’s Hold.

Other Mike/Fishmode: Elias Swiftblade – right there in the name, he’s got that fast sword which is how you win Olympic fencing. He also happened to be a master duelist in life, which is, again, how you win Olympic fencing.

Archery

Mike/Sleeksbowl: come on friends, it’s Luxa Stormrider. Our very own stormcast Robin Hood.

Thomas/Saxthom: Can’t argue with Mike on this one, Luxa wins it without breaking a sweat. I’m giving silver here to Mellisan. She is “Star Sighted” which I’m sure will go a long way in an accuracy competition. She is also range 4 once given the Long Ranged upgrade. “A true master of the thunderhead greatbow can place their shots with extreme accuracy, even at great range.” Though I can’t imagine they are letting her use her own bow for the competition, seeing as how it is essentially a holy grenade launcher. So getting used to the lesser weight of a regulation bow will probably take significant practice.

Other Mike/Fishmode: The clear winner is obviously Luxa Stormrider – as she herself says, ‘I can hit a diving harpy. These foes might as well be stationary’. Best range and accuracy base, and can pump out lots of shots. My vote for silver is Almeric Eagle-Eye with his innate stagger and eagle eyes, you know, sharp and all that. With the farsighted upgrade he’s shooting at range 4 too.

Discus

Mike/Sleeksbowl: Sarpon, The Cyclone. First there is a 🌀 symbol in his range three attack which looks a lot like a discus to me and secondly they call him the cyclone for his high velocity spin before he launches.

Thomas/Saxthom: Despite the “no lightning” rule, throwing rocks real far seems to be a passion of Domitan‘s. Even without Electrokinesis we know The Eye of the Storm has an incredibly powerful physique (see 3 damage with cleave), and his love for stone yeeting makes him a fan favorite.

Other Mike/Fishmode: Obryn the Bold – Big man hurls stone frisbee 500 yards, refuses to elaborate. I get the feeling that 90% of this guy’s free time as a Mortal was just chucking stuff across a field anyway. He’s man who barely speaks probably because the only things he says are; I do not know who I am, I do not know why I am here, all I know is I must hurl this plate.

Weightlifting

Mike/Sleeksbowl: Obryn because he chonky.

Thomas/Saxthom: Obryn the Bold makes that two-handed grandhammer look light as a feather. Though, Brodus Blightbane does the same with his greatmace. They would probably be great friends, who go to the gym together all the time. Brodus does all the talking and Obryn does all the listening. Probably a coinflip which of them gets the gold each Olympics, and they are both stoked for each other either way.

Other Mike/Fishmode: Man, you guys got the good ones again. There’s nothing more Bro than powerlifting, and the Brodude has this one locked down. Nobody else can hit harder, and when he inspires he’s up to move 4 so you know he’s a Quadzilla under that skirt. Obryn is, like, literally on the Great Fortitude card. I do think you’re sleeping on Severin Steelheart who also swings a big heavy thang in full plate. Are you really going to vote against THE Chad Underworlds? The jawline-est stormcast this side of Shadespire? DYEL?

Gymnastics (Floor Routine)

Mike/Sleeksbowl: Melissan– she uses her crushing kick to crush the competition and she is star sighted which makes me think she has her eyes on the prize.

Thomas/Saxthom: Flying would still be cheating, but Leona has spent more time than anyone else aloft in the air. She knows how to twist and turn with style and grace, while the wind whips past her 10 feet off the ground.

Other Mike/Fishmode: Tavian of Sarnassus – the man strikes a pose/is literally doing the “I landed the jump” flourish. Tell me he doesn’t know how to dance with them flowing skirts.

BONUS: Who is chosen to Sing the Sigmarite Anthem at the Ceremonies?

Mike/Sleeksbowl: Averin Stormsire sings this using his best old man Vibrato. The God King loves that crap

Thomas/Saxthom: Xandire is an impeccable leader and a powerful orator. I’d bet she has a beautiful voice that commands respect and solemnity from everyone in attendance.

Other Mike/Fishmode: I’ll concede Stormsire is a strong choice – something tells me Beard Daddy has a booming voice, and there’s a good chance he absolutely SHREDS electric guitar. That said, I have to go with Angharad Brightshield. The thing that makes an anthem singer succeed is just the right mix of ‘following the rules’ and ‘spanking that high note with a little trill here and there’ to make the crowd do that ‘wooo’ thing. Brightshield has a wheelbarrow full of sass. Choice quotes –
Flee, while you still have the use of your limbs.
Is that the best you’ve got? Try harder.
The loud one, with the fancy blade. He dies first.

But she also isn’t going to make it all about herself and ruin the anthem either – she’s not a warband Leader and she knows how to take orders. Striking that balance, then striking that lunge pose into the mic, she’s got the crowd buzzing. Sigmar be praised.

Wrap

That’s it for the entries this round! Remember to vote for your choice on the Google form and in the coming weeks I’ll share the results as well as community nominations for other fighters who deserve a shot at the title. If you’re interested to read other entries in this series, click here! See you in the next article!