‘Avin a Good Time is a series here on Spent Glory where we drop the serious competitive approach, skip the idea of helping new players, and ignore altogether anything useful to the community and instead just have ourselves a good time. Gurzag and the Boyz approve, and so should you.

Last time we ‘ad a good time, we received this mysterious message:

“Listen up assassins, I’ve got a lucrative new contract for you. Fjul-Grimnir has a grudge to settle – Shadespire has been dust-binned, and everybody’s moving on to this Embergard thing. They didn’t even take his crew along but keep using their likeness in card photographs, which he’s decided to take personally. The Chosen Axes are willing to pay a lot for this contract, and they’re always good on their word. The mission is simple: find and eliminate James Workshop”

Of all the keywords in first edition, Assassin was close to the least used – save for Priest. Since the concept didn’t carry forward into second edition (and neither did most of the warbands that had assassins) we decided to take a look at who they were and what their particular set of skills might contain. As a refresher, the total list of assassins is:

Arnulf
Shond Headclaimer
Garodd Alensen
Kyrissa
Lethyr
Dour Cragan
Otapatl
Slynk Skittershank
Synp Padpaw
Kreep Kinwhisper
Slythael Shadestalker
Drusylla Vyserax
Valyssa Umbrael
Sylarc Greyblood
Elias Swiftblade
Lascivyr, the Bladed Blessing

With these in mind, let’s find out who won in each category. If you’d like to refresh yourself, here’s the post where I laid out each Assassin’s resume and posed the question prompts.

Who will get to James first?

Winner: Slythael Shadestalker

This one wasn’t hard to figure out. She can teleport. She can melt out of any shadow. She gets things done. Hope James knows to stay away from edge hexes!

Who will ultimately take out THE James Workshop?

Winner: Otapatl

It was a close one, but in the end the Chameleon comes out on top. Pretty hard to deal with what you can’t find, especially when it has cleave and ensnare and launching poison that pins you in place.

Who is stupid enough to lie to Fjul-Grimnir about having done the deed for easy money?

Winner: Kreep Kinwhisper

Let’s face it. He’s a rat. Not even an Assassin until inspired, and if there’s one thing a rat would do, it’s lie to a dwarf and think he could get away with it.

Who will be assassinated by another during the hunt?

Winner: Arnulf

The comments on this one were pretty brutal. My favorite is “Either that or he walks into a wall”. The good news is Khorne cares not and all that, so he’s still helping out. Makes you wonder why he wears a helmet though.

Who ‘accidentally’ did a little ‘friendly fire’ and eliminated a competitor or three?

Winner: Slynk Skittershank

“It was in self-defense”
“I swear officer, I don’t know what happened”
“I’ve never even met the guy”
“I know where you sleep at night and you’re next if you don’t stop asking questions”

Who tried to cut a deal with James’ guards?

Winner: Garodd Alensen

There’s no reason we can’t all profit off of this situation… though per one voter comment “Garrod wouldn’t even make it on time! Everyone would already be dead!”

Who got wrecked by James’ guards the hardest?

Winner: Arnulf

Poor guy. One dodge two wounds just ain’t it. At least he probably looked cool on the way out!

Who was too cool to accept the contract?

Winner: Elias Swiftblade

Let’s be honest with each other. Stormcast Eternals aren’t accepting any amount of money to hunt down Sigmar Papa James. If anything you can bet Elias would tip off the guards that a contract is floating around. Dirty snitch. And I say this as somebody who was a Farstriders player.

Wrap

That’s it for this contest! Thanks for ‘avin a good time with me, and don’t forget to spend some glory. If you’re interested to read other entries in this series, click here! See you in the next article, where love will be in the air. It was just Valentine’s day, after all…