‘Avin a Good Time is a series here on Spent Glory where we drop the serious competitive approach, skip the idea of helping new players, and ignore altogether anything useful to the community and instead just have ourselves a good time. Gurzag and the Boyz approve, and so should you.

I’d like to give a special thanks to reader, star tournament competitor, and LA’s finest Ross for the idea on this one. Thanks for being a friend of the page, and I’ll see you in Tacoma, maybe even with a companion/beast? I haven’t picked my warband yet…

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Everybody loves pets in WHU, let’s be real. And they deserve that love! While I don’t have conclusive evidence that Duinclaw was robbed on Model of the Year when somebody cooked the books, you also can’t convince me that it didn’t happen. Since GW Prime won’t give them their proper recognition, I guess we’ll have to do it ourselves. Join me as we celebrate the companionship of our Underworlds furry, spiny, and slimy friends in all their forms.

Actual Kennel shows have some weird categories and tons of breed restrictions, events, and so on, so I’ve just decided to slap this list together however I see fit because we’re here to have a good time, not a professional time. It doesn’t help that I haven’t ever watched a dog show unless you count the Puppy Bowl, and even that was just once. I’ve also subdivided this into two overarching leagues: Standard (for in-rotation pets) and Senior (for those out of rotation/legends warbands). Today’s competition will focus on the pets who have their own fighter cards – stay tuned for a future Good Time where we assess the more decorative homies who hang out on shoulders and bases of our humanoid-adjacent fighters.

First, we will introduce the categories of competition, and then I will introduce our contestants.

The Categories:

Strength and Agility
This category, when applied to dogs, looks at running, weaving, and jumping. Our furry and scaly friend can also add biting, clawing, and general mauling to that list. While they don’t let them do pit fighting in high society, the Underworlds is a very different story. Who has the speed, the cutting pivot, and the cutting fangs to take this one home?

Showmanship
Reserved in dog shows for the pretty boys who can prance around with the best hairdos, our Underworlds competitors will be running for who looks best making that supported two dice attack, luxuriating on a token, or just being a blast to paint.

Obedience
Dog shows describe this as the dog with the best bond with their respective masters. How well do they follow orders? Do they heel all the way across the field? Can they wait for their treat? In the Underworlds pet show, we will assess who loves their warband most and can always be trusted to get the job done.

Best in Show
A combination of all the above, this is where we will see which dog, bird, or mushroom is… well, top dog. Best overall. The bee’s knees, or even the bee with the knees, in one case.

Click the link to the voting form here!

Main Bracket Contestants

Spiteshroom

One mean, stinky, pinging machine, the Spiteshroom won’t go down without a fight. Not the brightest of the bunch and likely not particularly obedient, it’s still got a chance in the brawl. And it looks pretty stylin’ with that spore plume going on.

Stalagsquig

Little to no chance to win the agility contest, but the rock has pizzazz. A lolling tongue can win you showmanship in the right breeds, I’m sure, and maybe this squig has what it takes.

Bat Squig

Incredibly annoying, but he’s fast, hard to hit, and has about the biggest mouth in this bracket which has got to count for something.

Bonekrakka

A satisfying crunch can go a long way in the judge’s scorecards, or so you’ve gotta hope. I wonder if it plays fetch with that thing?

Gobbaluk

Glittering jewelry! Look at that vertical leap! An agile showman with a solid stat block, Gobbaluk can do well in this bracket.

Duke’s Harriers

Are they hawks or bats? Depends on who you ask. Are they majestic regal hunting birds fit for a Duke, or two drooling vermin chained to a headless corpse? Does it matter? A two-for-one special with a shot at any category, depending on how chivalrous our judges are feeling today.

Shreek

If ‘Polly wanna cracker’ doesn’t win your Showmanship, what will? He’s a nimble navigator, capable of great acrobatics to boot. And brightly colored, which should count for something.

Mange

Feral, almost assuredly scurvy, and potentially rabid, he’s also wielding a prehensile knife. Don’t count the monkey out in the strength and agility category. He might even do tricks for all we know if you give him a pair of cymbals or some juggling balls.

Grotbiter

He bites grots, which aren’t in this competition, but you don’t earn the name without also being able to bite other contestants. And he’s a loyal hound, it’s right there on the card. Strong candidate for Obedience.

Ratspike

This good boy is the eyeless one, which means he’s a more experienced fighter than Grotbiter, or the worse one, or both.

Cephanyr

You can’t hit what you can’t see, especially if it can push/teleport when you try. You also have to imagine those tentacles have some real grip strength. With Duinclaw relegated to the Senior category he has an angle for best model/showmanship for all you deepkin fans out there. Obedient? I believe he’s literally mind-controlled. Maybe that disqualifies him, maybe it ensures the victory.

Ferlain

Maybe he’s just an honorable mention, treading a fine line between pet and man, depending on whether he’s salvaged his intelligence. That said, he’s still clearly Zondara’s lapdog, whether before or after his turning. But is he obedient, or does he fancy himself “Alpha”? Likely the strongest fighter of the batch, he’s got a good shot at winning Strength and Agility as well. The come-hither model pose will win him many points in the Showmanship category too.

Tik-Tik

The GOAT and probable winner of every category if we are being honest. There’s nothing I can say that would deter your votes, you degenerates.

Sotek’s Venomites

Cute batch of guys, and they brought along a fancy totem to slither on. The frog has got it going on, too.

Squort

He thicc, he loyal, he pack a punch. And he can even fill your punch bowl. What a dreamboat.

Senior Bracket Contestants

I’ll be honest, this was mostly to keep the Duinclaw podium sweep contained.

Riptooth

What a beast, in the literal sense. A majestic specimen with a tremendous leap, incredible neck strength, and a flashy frill of spines, the OG pet of Shadespire still has that dawg in him. And he follows commands, as long as that command is “Riptooth, Kill”.

Grawl

He’s gotta have a shot at Obedience; he will literally die for the team. And often did, back in first edition. The original goodest boy – and while an old dog might not learn new tricks, supposedly ‘everybody loves a pupper’.

Lighaen, Malkyn

Fast, but otherwise useless, still a strong contender for the cat people out there.

Thrafnir

Did I say cat people? Thrafnir is a sabertooth tiger. He’s got everything Lighaen has and more, except the haircut.

Duinclaw

Model of the century, people. Put your Best in Show votes in now.

Spinefin

God I hate this guy. But he can be very exotically painted, and you just can’t kill him.

Sleek

Obedience on lock. Decent fighter too, and not bad looking if you’re into the Azyr aesthetic.

Taros

Fast, with crit grievous, Taros can do work in the Strength and Agility category. Plus she’s a heavenly beauty, but maybe that’s just me being an amateur birder talking. And her legitimate bond to her master with very helpful supports/spotting ability put her well on the path to placing in the Senior Obedience category.

Skritter

Hoe many times can we call a fighter “The Goodest Boy”? Skritter got that treatment in spades when he was released, and you have to admit he looks awfully cute holding that chunk of warpstone cheese. But remember, he’s worthless. Even says so on his card.

Wrap

Click the link to the voting form here!

We’ve set the stage, packed the stands, and are ready to watch the show. Who’s ready to see our favorite pets earn (and spend) some glory? Tune in next episode to find out who takes home the prize on ‘Avin a Good Time!

If you’re interested to read other entries in this series, click here! Vote early, vote often, and see you in the next article.