Howdy gang! This one slots into ‘Avin a Good Time, the series where we do silly things with varying degrees of ‘relevant to the game’ and ‘more fun than useful’. This one leans ALL the way to the fun and useless side of the dial. I also didn’t write any of it besides the intro and wrap, and ‘writing’ this is a stretch of the word, to be sure.

Anyway, long story short, some tomfoolery went down on the Embergard Vassal server, which is one of the best place to hang out. Top-tier competitive advice and the best players in the world, but also clown shows like what I’m about to share here.

It all started with:

Mr. Bombardi
i once played a guy from Hessen and one from Hamburg here.
but that’s 1 year ago

Hexopus
Why did the start of that sentence sound like the start of a limerick? 🤔 Like…

I once played a guy from Hessen
who thought that my tone was “vermessen”
I asked for match 3
but he turned to me:
“Bombardi, das kannst du vergessen!”

One thing led to another, and loads of Warham Poetry was Slammed. Leathanam eventually tagged me and suggested I steal it all for a post, which of course I jumped right on because I’m lazy and just posted a double-feature on Saturday for the new content releases, which is kind of a lot on top of my usual twice a week schedule.

Some of the following people even consented to me posting their stuff here. What a concept!

Anyway, on to the actual poets.

---

Filthy Kasual
I once played a guy from Hessen.
Thought I’d teach him a lesson.
But woe is me,
A lesson did see.
The things I learned were a blessin’.

Kuks

Have you heard of the legend of Mork?
Whose strength is only rivaled by Gork.
Many hordes they lead,
The WAAAGH! they spread.
Until all moral realms fell to the Ork!

spaint2k

There was a witch hunter named Pock
Who thought his gun safe in his sock
But by hook or by crook
Grotbiter mistook
His retractable pistol f’r his cock

Mr. Bombardi

I once played a guy from Hessen,
Whose dice rolls defied every lesson.
With crits on turn one,
My warband was done—
While Gurzag drinks beer in procession.
Then came a guy from Hamburg,
Whose deck was a finely tuned war-work.
He surged and he scored,
Left no card unexplored—
Now Gurzag lies crushed in the card dirt.

Mr. Bombardi
I once played a Vassalite called Hexopus,
Whose tactics were brutal and treacherous.
He flipped every gloom,
And sealed my doom—
Now Gurzag just sweeps up what’s left of us.

TheTithemaster

roses are red
violets are blue
my activation
3 hammers for 2
roses are red
green is the grass
in power step
im gonna pass

Samski

Roses are red,
Dromm at Worlds was broken,
I’m going to score Claim the Prize
By delving this token 🙂

Fililip

Power cards are red
Objectives are yellow
im gona play something fun on tournament
but zarbag says hello

spaint2k

Another one that I’d like to dead-icate to @HammerSauce (Andy)
Aemos is Dead
Hexbane is too
Ratspike and Grotbiter
One glory for two

TheTithemaster

there is a deck
cataclysm its name
bro got 2 glory
just for starting the game

Hexopus
War-slammer vassalites unite!
Let’s roll, let’s rhyme and let’s fight!
Let’s meet up for wordplay
for shufflin’ and parlay
let’s battle all day and all night!

TheTithemaster
ones say its a gnoblar

others – “its lizard”

but we all know him

as mischevious wizard

in silence he lurks

his voice is nostalgic

as from darkness emerges

“AND THEY CALL IT MAGIC”
dedicated to @WathLab I Four Dwarves & A Bear

Kuks

There once was a Wielder of the Blade,
Upon the Bearer’s block heads were laid.
Sentence carried out!
The Scriptor did shout.
Their debt to Nagash getting paid.

spaint2k

I have spent way too long on this. With my apologies to the late Marriott Edgar…

I’ll tell of the clashes in Shadespire
Long after the Katophranes died
When warbands came seeking out glory
And shadeglass and Ur-gold and pride

‘Twere this way; one day in the City
Fjul-Grimnir, that oath-bound curse-ender
Having no battles on at the moment,
Joined his lads on a bit of a bender.

They’d all started laughing and drinking,
When the lads with their flagons in hand
Cried “Let’s go and and stir up some undead!”
Said their leader: “Aye that’ll be grand!”

He turned to his half-naked warband
And lifted his gruff dwarven voice,
Shouting “Hands up who’s keen to bash bones in!”
He was joking; they hadn’t no choice.
They started their march past the mirror
Where the Shadestone had twisted the well
And at quarter to ten by the stardial
They heard the Shyishian bell.

The Warden drew up as they entered
His bones full of spectral disdain.
He said “If you’re come looking for glory,
I can offer but bloodshed and pain.”

Fjul-Grimnir rose, ready for action,
And said “All of your weak threats ring hollow.
Give your Penitent’s Throne a good polish,
I’ll be wanting to sit there tomorrow!”

The Warden just gave a cold rattle,
And waved his old blade with a hiss,
The Prince and the Champion stood fearless
In death (they were always like this).
The objectives were set for a skirmish,
The power cards started to churn
Both sides squared up for the battle
And they rolled for the very first turn.

The Warden had home-field advantage,
In a corner he took up his stand,
With his penitents all drawn up ’round him,
And a Katophrane’s glove on his hand.

The dwarfs had not much in their favor,
Oaths Still to Fulfil in this brawl,
Berserk Fury could not even help them,
They marched on as a short Living Wall.

First end phase came sooner than wanted
But the scoring was weak on both sides
The March of the Dead had been stymied,
And For the Ur-Gold was nowhere in sight
The Guard still had the edge in the numbers,
And being undead did not even bleed,
But the slayers now had Grimnir’s Blessing
And Returning Axe and Great Speed.

Fjul-Grimnir called his lads together
“Let’s pretend that we no longer dare,
Lure the penitents out from their leader,
Then I’ll give him a Piercing Stare!”

They ran and the penitents ran after,
Just exactly as FG had planned,
Leaving The Warden alone by the nexus
With a Katophrane’s glove on his hand.

Fjul-Grimnir he saw what had happened,
And his two-handed axe up he drew,
A Grim Promise he kept there and then,
As he clove the fell Warden in two.
The dwarfs then turned round in a fury
With Great Swings they cut down all their foes
The earth shook from all of the fighting
The dead fell with a Flurry of Blows.

Then after the battle were over,
The dwarfs looted the undead’s last stand,
But the warden and all his band vanished,
Save the Katophrane’s glove on his hand.

I hope @WathLab I Four Dwarves & A Bear is still in this server. This was for you!

---

Wrap

OK that was fun!

Also, I’m not the jealous type, but Steven Painter is officially:

• a better player than me
• a better miniatures painter than me
• and now a better poet than me too.
• He speaks like five languages
• I bet he can even cook.
• What a dreamboat!

Thanks for reading along with me, friends.

-Fishmode

More ‘Avin a Good Time to be found here