Love is in the air, and Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. And since the season of romance is also a season for ‘avin a good time, I got stupid and creative. Also I’m on vacation so this once was a little phoned in, but I’m not apologizing.

‘Avin a Good Time is a series here on Spent Glory where we drop the serious competitive approach, skip the idea of helping new players, and ignore altogether anything useful to the community and instead just have ourselves a good time. Gurzag and the Boyz approve, and so should you.

As you may have guessed from this homemade logo that can get me into multiple kinds of trouble, this time we’re going to be looking at dating profile taglines from some of our most fetching dates in the underworlds. Who they are and what they write may not match with their expected match success – after we’re through here I’d love to hear who you think is most likely to land a date this weekend!

King Morlak Velmorn

I’ll be honest I’ve been a single dad for way too long and I need somebody who’s willing to help out with the kids. I have gold.

Zarbag

I once enjoyed a long walk on the beach with my then girlfriend, but once the shrooms wore off I realized I had been dragging a mannequin across a Waffle House parking lot for 12 hours

Khagra the Usurper

People always clamor for a big goth GF until they meet one. I’m done playing games – serious offers only. I DARE you to waste my time.

Fecula Flyblown

Let’s match! I can cook, you’ll never need to clean, and I can’t wait to tell my grandfather about you

Kro-Jax the Aegis

His profile is exclusively a public log for his PRs for various lifts and the placings in his Tough Mudder and Crossfit Games events

Rippa Narkbad

I’ll warn you up front, I’m mounting, and I always ride hard. If that sounds like something you’d be into, you can swipe right, and I promise size isn’t all that matters. If my dog likes you, we’ll get along just fine.

Vexmor

++This user has not submitted any text++

Kaerna Vix

On our first date I will carve our initials into the wood of the park bench, which is the most romantic way I know to tell you I own many knives

Duke Crackmarrow

Chivalry is not dead, ladies. Give me a chance, if you’re not scared of nice guys.

Kixi-Taka

I have a tongue piercing and know just how to use it. I will, however, need to know your star sign before things get too serious.

Kamandora, Mother of Hate

Proud mama of 4 and if you can’t handle at me at my worst you don’t deserve my deepest and most sensual lip bites

Dromm, Wounder of Worlds

Gaze upon these oiled abs, and swipe right.

Vasillac the Gifted

I like girls who show a little leg, and guys who show a little leg too. Let’s pregame at my place before we hit the club, as long as you’re cool with my “frequent nosebleeds”.

Haskel Hexbane

Just a hardworking man looking for an honest Tradwife. Must want at least five children, go to church every week, and most importantly, be human. I can’t promise love, but I can promise devotion, and an eventual widow’s payout.

Ylthari

I love hiking, camping, and being in the woods. 420 friendly. Swipe left if you want shaved armpits, (and I don’t even have legs to shave).

Zikkit Rockgnaw

I am the very definition of Alpha Male. Ladies love my musk, loser-haters eat my dust-dust.

Deintalos the Exile

I may not be the sparkling twilight type, but I AM a vampire. And I promise I’m better at dancing than your last boyfriend. Techie at heart, and with me, it’s not just ’til death do we part.

Mollog the Mighty

Internet ad tell me there hot singles in my area. I already know I am hot single. This why I use ad block, ha!

Wrap

Again, I hope you and yours have a lovely Valentine’s, and that you have a better hook for your own dating profiles if you’ve got them. If you would take any of these fine fighters on a date, let me know your reasoning at SpentGlory@gmail.com and until next time, spend that glory (with a significant other over a candlelit evening!?)

To see other entries in the ‘Avin a Good Time series, click here.