‘Avin a Good Time is a series here on Spent Glory where we drop the serious competitive approach, skip the idea of helping new players, and ignore altogether anything useful to the community and instead just have ourselves a good time. Gurzag and the Boyz approve, and so should you.

As we prepare to leave First Edition and step into the mines beneath Embergard, we’ll be leaving much behind. One of those things is the Brawler keyword, introduced in Harrowdeep and then quickly forgotten. Only a few universal cards at the time referenced it, very few that came after did, and we got a fighter named Brawler from time to time thereafter. We also got an Errata that backfilled brawlers from previous seasons! What do we do with all these Brawlers who presumably won’t take the keyword with them into Second Edition? We ‘ave a good time and hold an old-fashioned backyard throwdown.

Today we will kick off the Brawler’s Ball, a two-part contest. The idea is that there will be four pods of free-for-all brawl – one for each Grand Alliance – the winner of these then advancing to the finals. Think of it like March Madness, but more interesting and with fewer ads.

This article will introduce the Grand Alliance Pods and I’ll make a case for the brawlers within each. You’ll vote them into the finals, and I’ll take the top brawler or three from each Grand Alliance to enter the THUNDERDOME in a subsequent article.

Click HERE to vote for your choices

CHAOS – 9 Brawlers – top 2 advance

Karsus the Chained – this man was once a slave, who choked his captor to death with his own chains. He then spent the next several lifetimes whirlin’ that axe in Shadespire. Don’t lock me in a cage with him. I’m guessing he’d take a few fighters down before he goes, though he may not end up on top of the Chaos heap.

Draknar – the GOAT of brawlin’ and in general, ballin’. I love this dude and he loves to scrap. I promise he bull charges the first opponent he sees and gets blindsided while waving his trophy around and braying to the sky

Gulgoch – a pretty strong contender to make it to the top of this bracket, he’s tough, he hits relatively reliably, and your best bet is to stay away and hope somebody else takes him out for you.

Glisette – if you can hit her, she’s paste. Good luck hitting her.

Razek Godblessed – my man stays on his grindset 25/8 and has a pretty sweet lava photo in the new edition cards. Will he win? Probably not, but he’ll take down whoever comes at him first. And second. Screw it, he has a chance at this thing!

The Gorehulk – another strong contender, the Gorehulk has hands as big as most fighters’ torsos, has a crushing, choking grip, and is clearly built for wrasslin’. He may not be that accurate but he’s also dang scary to get close to and will probably end up among the last few standing.

Gorl Spinehammer – one he’s beastmoded up, he’s a terror. If they don’t take him out early, he has a real shot at this thing.

Crimson Kheira – fast, deadly, and with scything, she will absolutely make her mark. One shield and 3 health probably prevents her from climbing to the summit but she’s also probably smarter than most of these brutes and that might come in handy strategically.

Lascivyr, the Bladed Blessing – dark horse contender, and also an assassin, Lascivyr might actually just hide in the rafters somewhere and take down whoever thinks they’ve won right at the end. If you do manage to get a bead on him, he is always supporting himself and has four arms, so not really somebody you want to duel with. Land a good hit or two and it’s over, but I’m guessing there’s real victory potential here.

DEATH – 3 Brawlers, sending just 1 to the finals

The Harvester – Let’s be honest, here’s your probable winner. An OG of brawling with one of the first sycthing attacks in the game, everyone knows you fear the reaper. Even if you do manage to take him out, he’s gonna get back up and be even meaner this time.

Flensemaster Pewdrig – amazingly this guy is a brawler, but probably just because he wants to hang out next to you while somebody else takes you out so he can grab a lil’ haunch for later. He’s got the missing eye for street cred and is covered in blades, so he does have a chance.

Seddrik the Chain – with the capacity for a range 3 whipping and also the ability to scythe, Seddrik can potentially clean this small pod up in no time. Pretty similar argument mechanically to the Harvester, except for all those ‘intangibles’.

DESTRUCTION – 9 Brawlers – top 2 advance

Gurzag Ironskull – the Boss is in the pit and he’s lookin’ for a scrap. He loves nothing more than this contest and has the stats to get the job done. He’s unkillable. He’s both Kunnin’ and Brutal. He’s my favorite fighter. Give him a proppa sendoff?

Bonekutta – he can scythe with an upgrade and is a touch smarter than the other orruks in this contest, inspires when he takes his first wound, and might just clamber to the victory.

Hakka – He has the serial killer mask on, and his pig-eyed face belies some brutality and sadism that might just get him past the first few minutes.

Basha – he’s literally on the card art for ‘avin a good time. He’s literally dumb as a bag of rocks. Knockback will be funny in this pile up at the very least.

‘Ardskull – you thought the last guy had a ‘ard head? Get a load of this one! Combining the dumb bashin brute aspect and the big scything stick aspect of Basha and Bonekutta, there’s a lot to love here from the Brawlers’ Ball perspective.

Wollop Da Skul – you know what gets him the most excited? Wollopin da Skul of anybody with 4+ wounds. For those keeping track at home, that’s everybody on this list. 1 dodge and a lack of self-preservation instincts might get in his way, but dang is he gonna have fun in this contest.

Toofdagga – Wolverine of the X-Men is basically tailor-made for this project, and Toofdagga is basically the same thing. He’s gonna get ya!

Gorlak Blackpowder – The only non-greenskin of the lot, Blackpowder is the biggest fighter in this pod and has multiple longer ranged attacks. There’s a real chance he takes down a few favorites, and a real chance they gang up on him since who doesn’t want to be the one who took down da big ‘un?

Grakk da Hook – not afraid to pick up a few scars, he’ll be whirling that stick all over the place, miss everybody, and end up brutalized. His biggest advantage is speed, and in this pod I don’t think that’s going to count for much. Stab-Ladz just can’t catch a break. Unless, that’s what dey want youse ta fink….

ORDER – 15 Brawlers – top 3 advance

Obryn the Bold – stoic before he was reforged a few too many times, Obryn basically doesn’t speak. Unless you count actions, which speak louder than words. He ain’t scared, and he hits REAL hard.

Fjul-Grimnir – lil man with the big key – I have seven years of experience seeing what he can do when you get him in a brawling mood. There’s a real chance he takes this pod, one shotting them all and singing songs all the while.

Tefk Flamebearer – his axes are on fire. I don’t care if you’re a stormcast or not, that’s a guy you tussle with last, and only if you have to.

Vol Orrukbane – he’s got a two handed axe and he needs something to grind it against. Unfortunately being the bane of Orruks won’t get you as far in the Order brawl.

Mad Maegrim – well, he’s crazy. What’s the number one rule of the streets? Don’t fight a crackhead. By the transitive property we can infer the number one rule of Brawler’s Ball is don’t fight an Ur-gold head.

Gallanghan of the Glade – ok, hear me out. This is an Arthurian knight, but better. He’ll win any duel, so people will need to do the dishonorable thing and tag team him. In the Order bracket? Maybe it will happen, but he’s a strong choice to make it to the podium.

Gwynne Ironsoul – we’ve been over this. She took Gold in the Azyric Games for boxing. She can take these boys again if she has to, and a few dwarves and elves besides.

Brodus Blightbane – He thicc. He’s the bro-est dude. You know he’s good for a brawl. Better hope you can duck faster than he can swing.

Tavian of Sarnassus – I mean, I guess. You never know who’ll get a few crits in a row.

Bahannar – Unshakeable. The mountain. Two shields off the rip. Can’t be driven back unless he decides to unroot himself. Has a built in reroll token. Range 2, 3 damage. Resting Lumineth Face. Only three wounds.

Klaq-Trok – YIKES DO NOT PUT ME IN THERE WITH A FRIKKIN DINOSAUR HE’S THE PERFECT WARRIOR/SUPREME PREDATOR AAAAAH

Fuirann – a lil move and charge shuffle, in and out, quick brawl Morty. I have serious doubts about her longevity in this pod.

Dhoraz Giant-Fell – OK we can all be honest and say he has a good shot at top 3 with that old-man strength and his tribal chieftain background. He’s got similar stats to Brodus and Obryn, but is streets ahead on the vibe check.

Aemos Duncarrow – kinda silly to consider a standard human as an option in this stacked field of otherwise superior beings. Kinda silly to think Aemos isn’t an immediate threat to anything that’s ever lived (or died), superior or otherwise.

Friar Galvic – he’s got the crazy factor, and he can bop somebody pretty good… once.

Wrap

So there you have it! CLICK HERE to cast your votes and leave commentary. We will have an 8-man thunderdome on the next ‘avin a good time based on your votes and comments to determine the ultimate First Edition Brawler. If you’re interested to read other entries in this series, click here! See you in the next article!