‘Avin a Good Time is a series here on Spent Glory where we drop the serious competitive approach, skip the idea of helping new players, and ignore altogether anything useful to the community and instead just have ourselves a good time. Gurzag and the Boyz approve, and so should you.

The time has come, denizens of the Underworlds, for Love and Warhammer II – Order Edition. We’re fresh off our inaugural Bachelorette competition in which the Briar Queen chose between 7 gents, and now it’s time to let the boys have a turn. This time we will ‘ave a good time watching a season of The Bachelor, where the ladies of Grand Alliance Order fight for the affection of Ardorn —the Poster Boy— Flamerunner.

I’ll get something out of the way first and say Farasa Twice-Risen will not be one of the contestants this season. Call it a conflict of interest, call it inappropriate to date a subordinate, call it anti-fraternization rules within the Stormcast ranks, call it “I’m pretty sure she’s a corpse/former undead and shaboy wouldn’t be down for that”, call it “she refused to sign the NDA” – whatever floats your boat. Farasa’s not on the show.

Order’s lovely ladies in competitive rotation this season will instead be limited, since we don’t have a ton of options and I want to avoid two women from the same warband. This leaves us with Cyreni of the Abyss, Gwynne Ironsoul, Brydget Axwold, Ylthari, Ailenn the Mind’s Edge, Soror Tazat, and Kaerna Vix. Ends up Sigmar is more into dudes and doesn’t have as many girls running around his warbands. Who would have guessed? All of us, that’s who.

Contest Categories

Most likely to be sent home at the first rose ceremony
Most likely to get thrown in the pool by her hair
Most likely to do the throwing by the hair (after too many wine coolers?)
Most likely to be more interested in undermining her peers through gossip and rumors than chasing the Bachelor
Most likely to spend more time making gal pals than romancing our Bachelor
Most likely to be the first invited to the Fantasy Suite
Most likely to ‘you can’t fire me, I quit’
Most likely to win the competition and marry our fiery Ardorn

Vote in the google form HERE

Contestants

Cyreni of the Abyss

She’s mysterious, and it’s possible our adventurous Bachelor will want to delve into whatever secrets she’s hiding. The producers are also going to be all over her with swimsuit shots since she’s probably spending most of her time by the pool when she’s not in it. But can she be bothered with Ardorn? She’s a soul sucking witch after all, and I’m not sure his soul is for sale – though there’s a solid chance she would relish the challenge.

Gwynne Ironsoul

Large, in charge, and used to the rough and tumble boys, she still can act like a classy girl who likes to wear heels and a skirt. They’re going to have more in common than most of the other competitors, but if opposites attract, these two might not. Plus, he seems like the type to get weird about a woman with hair shorter than his, or who is stronger than him. I mean, she’s an +++Olympic Champion+++ after all, and he’ll also probably be jealous of her accomplishments, which I bet she would rub in his face at the first sign of a challenge.

Brydget Axwold

Look mate, if powdered wigs don’t get you going, I don’t know what will. I mean, did you expect her to show her ankle or something? Have some standards, you heathen. That said, Ardorn is all about that action, and she is the sort to get down to business, take no prisoners, and give no quarter. I imagine he would admire that. She’s also the only one who would probably spend time with him at the shooting range, and they might form a bond if cupid’s arrow strikes true. She’s probably not into romance though, and the Flamerunner’s passion might rub her the wrong way.

Ylthari

The granola hippie of the bunch, Ylthari might be the type to just chill and wait for love to bloom in its own time. Does Ardorn have the patience for her? She does get stronger the more her friends are out of action, and she’s going into this contest solo, so expect some explosive tempers and dramatic effect once the wine is flowing. She also shows the most skin out of our field of competitors (if you can call that skin, anyway), and I get the feeling that our Bachelor is the kind of frat boy who might fall for that.

Ailenn, the Mind’s Edge

She’s a perfectionist – that means she’s going to be looking her best at all times, but she’s also going to be more critical and judgmental than most. It could run her into trouble with the other girls, and it might also take aim at Ardorn as well. She’s sharp, but if they disagree you can guarantee there’ll be some cutting words. That said, her quick wits and quicker blade might catch his fancy, and whether or not she deems him a prize worth claiming she’s still probably interested at winning a competition, if only on principle.

Soror Tazat

Tazat is definitely feeling the spark and is going to fangirl over a stormcast any chance she gets, though her buzzing excitement might be a little much for him. But since he’s a hot headed, impulsive, passionate guy himself, maybe it’s just the energy he’s looking for. She might also be the only contestant who doesn’t think she’s better than him and my guess is he ego will appreciate that. Will she be conductive with electric charm, or will she be uninspiring and fall flat? There’s a chance she starts off strong and loses steam as the competition unfolds without her friends to help get her juiced back up.

Kaerna Vix

The new girl on the block, Kaerna is into bloodsport and reading the future – in this case her conduit will likely be made from her competitor’s entrails. She doesn’t wear a lot of clothing and has bare feet – which is either going to make Ardorn’s prudish piety flare up or we’re going to learn about his nastier tastes in ladies. I do have doubts that she is going to be very into the Bachelor herself though, as the Daughters of Khaine aren’t often known for their pursuit of boys, unless they’re looking for slaves. And she’s already got Azphel at home.

Wrap

Vote in the google form HERE

Now that we have met the proper and orderly ladies of, uh, Order, let’s vote for who wins each category. Click the big ole pink link above and let your voice be heard. Anyway, I’m ‘avin a good time, and now I’m off to spend some glory. If you’re interested to read other entries in this series, click here! Vote early, vote often, and see you in the next article!